~* Positively Somewhere.. :)

And again...

2008-02-02T09:31:42Z

She stood me up. Because she had more "important" things to do than be with me. And those "important" things? It wasn't a matter of life and death. Hell, I don't even care anymore what matter it was. All I know is that I'm pissed off to...Hell I don't know. I am just so FED UP. I'm fed up with her choices, with her reasons, her everything! She has no idea what I feel right now, not the slightest damn idea what I'm keeping inside just to let people see that I am strong...BUT DEEP INSIDE, I'M NOT. I'm being torn apart and tormented and it just...it just sucks to be in this position when all you want is a little love and attention.

I just want to stop crying for once. Stop feeling sorry for myself. And most of all, stop hurting like hell.

I like this song. It's...sad.

2008-01-20T13:46:55Z

And right now, I am sad. :(

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where
I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
'Cause I'm getting tired
Of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and taken and
Tumbling and breakin'
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?

'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would

This is the place in my heart
This is the place where
I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you

'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would

'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
~ Josie and the Pussy Cats, "You Don't See Me"

Anyway. Thesis is getting frustrating. MSDN is not helping me at all. It's like..GIBBERISH. And there's work tomorrow. If only some people would do their jobs properly, I wouldn't have to spend Monday morning at the office. Darn! That's the damn reason why I requested it that early for it to be implemented this week but nooo. They had to ask for another week. Can't they see that I need TIME?! Garr.

Anyway, I find it weird that I'm blogging again. Bcoz, like, I'm supposed to not have the time for a lot of things I need to do but here I am...blogging my thoughts away. It's just weird. I guess I just really need to let this out.

And it's sad because I've come to realize that I'm not happy. That most of the time, it's discontentment that I feel. I looked past being tired of the same routine and realized that it's more than just that. I realized that this is another phase in my life that I need to get through and accept as it is. Yes, being unhappy is a state of mind and I know it'll eventually fade. I know somehow that I could get through but it seems that right now is just to stop and stay here. It gets to a point that you just have to let go and let the waves take you where they wanna take you. And then you'll find your peace. Then you'll find where you're really supposed to go.

Right now, for me...It's just here, waiting. Waiting for everything to get better, to be okay again. Waiting for my next steps, my next cues, my next path to take on. I know this will be over soon, and I will arrive in a new paradigm that sets me apart from the discontentment I feel. A change is indeed about to begin, and if I do decide to push through with it, then I know it will be for the better. Life is a series of challenges which entail lots of decisions and changes. This is just another star in the constellation.

I need to stay positive to win this. I need to come to a decision to find my happiness again.

i miss her.

2008-01-19T16:31:55Z

need i say more?

Bravo All Stars and the Very Distant Past

2008-01-19T16:22:03Z

So I was in the middle of slave-coding for our thesis when "Let the Music Heal Your Soul" played on my iTunes. I totally forgot that I recently (well, like, last year) downloaded the song. It's a really old song released waaay back in 1998, and was performed by a bunch of artists collectively known as Bravo All Stars. They're composed of both American and British/German artists...and well, I believe it's the only collaboration made by the boy band biggies Backstreet Boys and NSYNC. Other artists in the group are Aaron Carter (wtf), The Moffatts (don't mention it), Touché (who??), The Boyz (what the?), Scooter, Mr. President, Squeezer, Blümchen, R'N'G, and Gil (yeah that long haired dude with the guitar--kinda looks like a young ERMITANYO, if you ask me harhar). So yeah. I like the song. Like in the midst of Private Sub initializeReleasingList()...there is peace (wtf). No seriously, I just...I don't know, the song means a lot to me. Just because... :) It reminds me of my younger years (god i'm old) and well... :) My crazy dreams and aspirations when I was in grade school. Harhar! That was like, a decade or so ago! WTHell.

Anyway. Just so you know which song I'm referring to, here's the lyrics. I googled it and the results popped up--the song's so unpopular that they had to name it under the Backstreet Boys! Harhar. Actually, listening to it now, I couldn't even hear NSYNC in it. Haha! The Backstreet Boys were all over the track, it's kinda weird to realize that there's so many more artists in it than what you really hear. Haha!

Anyway. It's a cute reminiscent song. :) The lyrics may sound really dumb...I mean, really, when I read the lyrics without listening to the song I was like, what? I guess the melody brings it along. Or makes up for it. Apparently Frank Peterson, who co-wrote the song, also worked with Princessa, who sang another favorite song of mine, "I Won't Forget You." That track was the only song of hers which I saw on MYV when I was in grade five/six. Someone get me a copy of that song!

Oh if someone writes a song with a simple rhyme
Just a song where is feeling show
And if someone feels the same about the simple song
Oh sometimes you can hear them sing
Music gives you happiness or sadness
But it also, it also heals your soul

Let the music heal your soul
Let the music take control
Let the music give you the power to move any mountain

Oh if someone plays piano with some simple chords
So melodic and endearing too
And oh if someone plays guitar with the old piano
And maybe you can hear them sing
Music gives you happiness or sadness
But it also heals your soul

Oh yeah
Let the music heal you soul
Let the music take control
Let the music heal you soul
~ "Let the Music Heal Your Soul"
Written by Alex Christensen & Frank Peterson
Performed by Bravo All Stars

Sooo there's my music fix for today. :) And landing back in the present, I like Britney's new album. She wasn't a singer to begin with and she's practically NOT singing in her album but it's good. Again, the melody and beats were awesome so they kinda make up for what she lacks. Oh, and she looks better in her new video. Just wish she could bring her sexy back (oops)...She's a great performer. A great body would go very well along with that.

Now let's get back to thesis. ;)

i don't understand why

2008-01-18T10:36:10Z

the person you expected to be there for you just isn't. just because. no reason.

it hurts thinking about it just now. it hurts when you don't/can't understand their reasons just because they don't explain it to you. like they don't even exert some goddamned effort to let you understand so that you wouldn't feel that confusion...that hurt...of not knowing. and they claim to love you. to not want to hurt you. where's the love there??

know what, loving someone is something, EXPRESSING IT is another. and without expression, your love is worth NOTHING.

i feel like i'm slowly slipping into the otherworldly..the unimportant...until we just don't feel the love anymore. i don't want that to happen. and god knows, i'm trying. i just don't understand why it has to be this way...why there's always a reason that i can't understand...why it's always someone else's goddamned fault and not yours.

i was always one who went for the feelings. and when i don't feel anything, i'm not happy.
it hurts. to be alone...to need someone and they're just not there...

i'm crying while blogging again. whopee. haven't dont that in a long time.

moving on to other matters, thesis is...well i hope it's going well. i still have a bunch to do and a demo on monday. whew. work...work was busy today. too many things to do bcos i skipped that yesterday. i hope the arrangements get cleared out next week. i saw a glimmer of hope just now. just a glimmer. i hope it gets bigger. :D

what else? it's the start of the term but i feel like...ack. i don't know. just tired, i guess. and just really wanting to find comfort in the familiar people. if only they weren't too busy. i really need to get away. even just for a while so i can cry my tears and empty the damn bucket. then i'll be okay again. then probably i wouldn't have to cry as often afterwards. yeah.

anyone want to roadtrip to a nearby province, or just someplace new and nice to look at? damn, i sooo need it.

*inhale*

that was good. i kinda like crying like that cuz it gets the energy out. but then it leaves you exhausted. i think we need to go home in a while. it's a friday and...i'm here. alone. again. i wish it wasn't like this. i pictured it differently. maybe i should stop doing that, no? expecting stuff that's like...a far shot from what it's really gonna be. cuz i do know what it's really gonna be, and it's never something i pictured in my head. because i'm too much of a sucker for those mushy stuff. yeah, i should stop expecting. or maybe i should stop thinking that everything's good. because what if it's not? what if it's real? what if people change and...and they just grow tired of loving you...

i'm leaking in the eyes. harhar.

i wanna get drunk. i mean, really, really get drunk. as in right now. >.<

*sigh*

so close but still so far... :'( *heartbreak*

save me..

i feel like my brain is larger than my skull.

2008-01-16T09:53:01Z

it's been an awefully tiring day...i had only 3 hours of sleep last night because of thesis aaand there are a bunch of things on my mind. this is STRESS.

puyatan round 2. help me! :(

it's crazy

2008-01-14T13:45:38Z

So the error I was talking about a while back is finally gone for good. Took me a couple of hours this afternoon experimenting and it turns out that we were just clicking in the wrong places, thus the error.

Anyway, I posted something more substantial but since the Internet connection is acting dumb, it disappeared. Damn yew. I was also able to configure the Data Connection in VS, tho I haven't got past the server thing. How the hell am I gonna define one. Hmm.

Anyway, I'm freaking tired. And like my other two thesismates, I will get some rest. Zzz...

Jesus take the wheel. ;)

baby it's raining..

Why am i blogging? (backpost for January 11, 2008)

2008-01-14T13:36:24Z

Bcos i'm bothered.

What the hell does this mean?

MySQL Administrator Error

Could not connect to the specified instance.
MySQL Error Number 1045
Access denied for user '<insert_my_username_here>'@'localhost' (using password:YES)

Talk about frustration. We already configured the user and its corresponding database but i don't know what the hell is wrong that goddamned...argh.

Anyway, you might not understand what the hell i'm saying but yeah. Whatever.

I miss my officemates. I DO NOT MISS MY WORK. Harhar. I just really wanna focus on my schoolwork right now so hopefully i could straighten things out with work next week. Damned special class is taking too long to let us darn students know when do we get to have the class. I mean, hello? We're PAYING THEM to educate us, right? Demmet.

So what else?

I'm frustrated. Bcos there's like a bunch of things i wanna do but just don't have time to do so. I promised myself i'd be cleaning up the mess i made once the new year starts but things are just...hanging on to me like...preventing me to do stuff. And i sooo need to get rid of those things so i could move on with my life. Getsit?

I WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO TALK TO RIGHT NOW. Someone who'd just freakin' shut up and understand, you know? It's just hard feeling so alone in a time like this. So alone even if there's a bunch of people who claim to be there for you.

And just now, i'm starting to realize what they said...that i've changed...that i ain't that same person i was before. Sometimes i wish i still was, because most of the time i don't like the person i am right now.

WOW. Hold up...did i just say that? There's some deep contemplating going on and...i don't know. Just bear with me bcos like i said, it's hard.

I told my officemate that this is my first senti friday in weeks bcos most of the time i'm out. Lately i've always been out. But right now i've got some quiet time to myself...and it's funny when you're alone and you just feel sad for some vague reason...

Maybe that vague reason is just because i'm stressed, frustrated and longing for something...and not what i have right now. Sometimes everything gets to blurred and you can't appreciate what's right there...

Most of the time it gets tiring, and that's the sad thing about getting out of school and working your ass off 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I'm not ready for that. I don't want to be ready for that. I still wanna linger for a while, and just stop and appreciate all the things i used to neglect. I wanna get away so that when i come back, i'd be better. In more ways than one.

I miss my closest friends.
I miss those who are within my reach.
Something's wrong with me.

I just want to be free again.

i don't care

2007-12-16T13:38:24Z

i just want to say that i wanna be loved this way. because if not, i don't feel loved at all. because sometimes, if the person doesn't do the right things, it's just not RIGHT. it just doesn't fit...

and sometimes you'll have to question...is this the right thing?

i was always one who went for the feelings. and when i don't feel anything, i'm not happy.

it's so damn hard to deal when you just want someone there...but she just isn't...and sure, yeah, i could see her efforts...but sometimes they just don't come in the right time...

it hurts. to be alone...to need someone and they're just not there...

it's a sad world, isn't it?

it hurts to know that the peace you're looking for doesn't lie in that one person who you thought was your sanctuary...

i just want you to understand me...and to be there for me...
but you don't...and you're not...

Nagdaramdam ako kase...

2007-12-15T14:39:15Z

One year na. Oo hindi ako over. Kasi naman e. Ang weird ng pakiramdam ko. Parang, feeling ko uulet ulit. Ang labo ba. Shet kalat kalat na talaga ako. I desperately need a break but no. Ang bait bait ko, hindi ako nagfile ng leave. Just because. And eto nanaman yung attachment issues ko. Grabe I suck at this talaga. Problema sakin I get too attached. Parang sa OJT. Ayoko ng work pero mahal ko yung ibang tao sa paligid ko. Ganun naman talaga ata e. Pero in my case ewan ko ba. Ang hirap nila i-let go. Maybe because I've grown to love them. But then I really need a break. I really need to get out for a while. Lalo na now that things are going to get hectic with school.

I'll probably take a break in January, after I finalize my schedule for the new year. My gosh life is so hectic! And I'm really, really tired...Honestly...I am...And that's probably the reason why I'm getting sick, I've changed my attitude. I haven't rested for a long, long time and I just really need a break.

***

Nakikinig ako sa isang song na araw araw ko pinapakinggan nung OJT...and sobrang nakakakilig siya, if you have a certain person in mind...Wala lang. :) It's this longing feeling for a person...Nakakamiss. Pero mahirap magmiss. Mahirap! Kase...kase wala siya sa tabi mo...

ayaw ko na maghintay...

it's been way too long

2007-12-15T08:09:03Z

Since I posted anything in my blogs. You guys know pretty much how busy I am plus the numerous other things I wanna do…I need to do…what the hell.

It’s Christmas time. AGAIN. Omg I can’t believe it’s been a year. A whole friggin’ year of the ups and downs and curvy roads…next thing I know I’ve been working for a year already. I just can’t believe how fast time flies and…yeah.

Last night, we (the remaining lollipops and I) had our third Christmas dinner. THIRD.

Who would have thought…I couldn’t even remember…Ok now I do. Thanks, Scorpie. :p

The first time was in Venue…just me, Ellen, Val, Erik, Rika, Amiel.

The second time was *still* in Venue, with Ellen, Val, Erik, Marchus, Niña, Aleine (who just got her braces on, poor girl), Gina (Hasa)…

Last night was our third annual Christmas dinner. We held it at Gerry’s Grill in Blue Wave. It was just Ellen, Val, Erik, Marchus and Niña.

Who would have thought. It’s been soooo damn long and suddenly I felt like we were OLD. So friggin old. Damn.

But then again, I’m happy cuz I got a bunch of people I grew with throughout the years…and they’re still here with me. Relationships have blossomed, relationships have grown stronger, and it makes me happy to know that the new year is coming, and we all have another year to look forward to, to spend time with the people we love.

It’s amazing how many memories we could collect in a lifetime. But it’s sad that we can’t remember them all. But knowing that there are people who remind you of those good times makes me thankful that I have them, and I have not forgotten. Life may be terribly busy nowadays, but I won’t forget them…I won’t forget how they remind me.

***

It’s nine days before Christmas and I still can’t feel it…maybe we’ve grown too old…but then I know that we have to move on, we have to continue growing.

I’m still missing a lot of people nowadays, even those who seem so close. Sometimes I wish I could have a day or two with them. I’d like that. Yeah. J

Anyway. Got to get back to thesis work. No holidays for me! Sad.

Gusto ko magbar! Tara!

***

And dahil makapal ako, here’s my Christmas wish list!

- cow na stuffed toy na ituturo ko sa iyo kapag naisipan mo ko bilhan haha
- starbucks red tumbler! uber cute
- new CD ng backstreet boys: Unbreakable!
- mossimo pink jacket huhuhu
- "The Witch of Portobello" book by Paolo Coelho
- DLSU jacket
- DLSU shirt
- butterfly na pendant from Imono (MOA)...samahan mo naren ng chain.. :)) (ahem I want a certain person to buy this for me hahaha)
- The Vagina Monologues book by Eve Ensler
- Enchanted movie soundtrack
- High School Musical 2 soundtrack (ay grabe na ito hahaha)

- new cd ni Celine Dion

- halter na cardigan, preferably coffee colored

- sabit thingy sa cellphone, yung cute ha. :p

- Mitch Albom's bookS (yes plural kase makapal mukha ko haha) -- For One More Day (eto priority), 5 People You Meet in Heaven, Tuesdays with Morrie

- book ni Janet Fitch: Paint It Black (priority) and White Oleander

update ko nalang toh pag may naisip pa akong iba!

it's not like you're gonna read this but

2007-11-02T11:25:08Z

i don't really care. i just wanted to say

I HATE YOU.

here i am, once again i'm torn into pieces..can't deny it, can't pretend...

SCREW IT.

how do i...

2007-09-30T14:05:27Z

because lately all i have is my iPod and the bus. or the train.

it's always me looking out the window, thinking about what it'll be tomorrow, or the day after that...

it's always me dancing to the music in my dreams, feels like i've wrapped myself in my own wings...

*sigh*

happiness is like a commodity, a staple that is easily consumed..and with the prices going up, it gets a little more expensive to buy happiness.

anyway. another week of work and school coming up. been feeling a lot alone lately. even if i'm...not...i guess? i don't know. just feel kinda disconnected, disoriented, that's all. feels like after a long run...you just slow down and forget where you're going. and where you wanna be is still so far.

clarity, peace, serenity.

anong gagawin ko pag wala ka na? may babalikan pa ba ko pag wala ka na?

just thinking.

i just don't like the fact that sometimes, just being together gets so hard to do...

It feels so different being here,
I was so used to being next to you,
Life for me is not the same,
There's no one to turn to.
I don't know why I let it go too far,
Starting over - it's so hard.
Seems like everywhere I try to go,
I keep thinking of you.

I just had a wake up call,
Wishing that I never let you fall,
Baby you are not to blame at all.
when I'm the one that pushed you away.
Baby if you knew I cared,
You'd have never went nowhere,
Girl I should've been right there.

How do I breathe
Without you here by my side?
How will I see
When your love brought me to the light?
Where do I go
When your heart's where I lay my head?
When you're not with me,
How do I breathe?
How do I breathe?

Girl I'm losin' my mind.
Yes I made a mistake.
I thought that you would be mine.
Guess the joke was on me.
I miss you so bad, I can't sleep.
I wish I knew where you could be.
Another dude is replacing me,
God this can't be happening.

I just had a wake up call,
Wishing that I never let you fall,
Baby you are not to blame at all.
When I'm the one that pushed you away
Baby if you knew I cared,
You'd have never went nowhere,
Girl I should've been right there.

And I wonder...
How do I breathe
Without you here by my side?
How will I see
When your love brought me to the light?
Where do I go
When your heart's where I lay my head?
When you're not with me (I'm saying),
How do I breathe?
How do I breathe?

I can't get over you, no
Baby I don't wanna let go, no
Girl you need to come home
Girl come back to me
'Cause girl you made it hard to breathe
When you're not with me.
~ Mario, "How Do I Breathe?"

i miss her. i miss everyone. i'm like in constant missing. this is hard. no, this is sad. so freaking sad.

PUNYETA

2007-08-05T16:42:59Z

sa mga taong nagfufumiling...
sa mga walang kwentang kagrupo...

at sa mga taong LUTANG!!!

grr.
sobrang grr.

and if ever may natamaan, CONGRATS! you learned something new about yourself today.

of girlfriends and other things.

2007-06-24T08:30:05Z

like val, i'm not in the mood to really narrate everything's that been happening. it's been a tough week and i keep finding things to be happy and sad about all at the same time. kainis no?! anyway, i miss a bunch of people and i'm really busy and weekends are being snatched away from me cuz of school. that's sad. i wish i had more time to do things. hay.

anyway. i'm thinking of getting a smart bro connection. stupid pdlt hasn't got our subdivision DSL ready yet. garr. but then again before that i'd have to buy a new pc. mom?! haha! yeah. sooo...

i'm kinda depressed right now, maybe because of some inevitable things in my life, probably because of the weather, probably because no matter how many people you surround yourself with, sometimes you just really feel alone...i don't know.

commercial:
hey hey you you! i don't like your girlfriend
no no way way she looks like the old one
di ka nagmomove on!
just something we came up with while goofing around in the thesis room. crazy people.

anyway. i'm supposed to be studying for market1 right now but i'm blogging. i'll get to that later, i promise. i need to finish three chapters today. whew.

i just renovated my multiply so please do drop by and leave a message on my guestbook! :)

know what?

2007-06-18T14:37:11Z

i'm not saying you're right, neither am i offering an apology.

I'M A BITCH. deal with it.
and yes, like what Ms. Chin Chin Gutierrez said, "Only a bitch will survive in this world."
Unfortunately for dorks like you, people like us can screw you over and make you realize how pathetic you really are.

on another note, ♥

the past few days have been great! tiring but great. :) it's just amazing, that 'high' you feel after a long, tiring day. it's nice to just sit and think about all the lovely blessings you've received, you know. too bad only a few people do that anymore.

anyways. i am sooo thankful for all the stuff i've received lately. prolly the fruits of my labor have finally come to full ripeness? ANU DAW?! harhar. so i wanna sleep cuz like i got work tomorrow...zZzZz...

yip. i hope everything goes well for the next few weeks~. things are getting busy and i sooo need time to do everything. i hope our management considers having us work from home. ~~so that i could ask my mom for a PC!!!~~ nyaha. anyways. school is kinda getting demanding so i really have to catch up. our intphil prof is too weird, he's not coming to class...but of course that's a well deserved break so. :) market1 is fun but demanding. the book is waaay too long to read. yih. sooo...i think ima sleep now cuz my eyelids are sooo dropping. later. :)

Jesus take the wheel. :)

bakit ba

2007-06-11T12:13:31Z

kung kelan magmamonthsary na
saka ako nabubwiset ng ganito?

argh.

what monthsary?!

so anyway.

2007-06-10T13:51:09Z

walang pasok bukas. that's supposed to be great but right now i'm soooo tinatamad gumawa ng anything. i miss my friends! i miss my mimah and rikabebeh a lot. :(

hay. lots of people annoying me lately. sometimes i wish i could just get a gun and shoot them in the head. *bloodshed* harhar. ang kitid kase ng utak mo.

anyway. i'm sleepy. ima get me some coffee so that i could do some stuff at least until midnight. yeah.

i deleted some contacts on my ym list...just thought it's about time to clean it up and just keep the important people in there. persons i don't have a real working relationship with don't deserve a slot in there. (naks)

anyway, this is one of those i'm-so-bored-i-don't-wanna-do-schoolwork moments so ima go back to work now. =p

have a great week, guys and God bless! :)

____
i've let it go, and i feel nothing towards you now.
indifference might be the sweetest feeling ever.

GRR!!

2007-06-09T17:02:41Z

BAKET BA KASI ANG KULIT MO?! NAKAKAIRITA EH!!!

now on to other things...

2007-06-09T16:20:20Z

i was sick since last night. i felt terrible after catching a cold. now i think i'm coming up with coughs and stuff. argh. i hate getting sick. i hate getting annoyed when i'm sick. anyway.

i kinda...

i just hate how i feel right now.
i can't explain it, i don't see any reason why i should feel it, sooo yeah. this is just too weird. :(

are you still even there?
i thought this was a two way street? but where is it
leading now...i miss you, i miss you,
more than words could express.
it used to be just you and me
and now i feel like we've never begun.
did you ever leave?
was it i who walked out the door?
this sunset's not over, yet the night has begun.
when it's dark then you'll see
these memories haunting me.
dreams that were built together
dig into the clouds, disappear like the rain,
like these thoughts that are screaming
yet can't get out.

when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are mising you...

i can't explain, i can't say
but i just feel this way. :(

know what sucks the most...is that i'm crying like hell and i can't even explain why i'm feeling this way. :'(

i miss you so much. :'(

when you walk away, i count the steps that you take...do you see how much i need you right now?

grr.

2007-06-09T15:55:58Z

this has kinda been bothering me in some sense that i can't really explain but all i could think of right now is that i care about this certain person to just watch her get treated that way by her boyfriend.

it's disturbing how immature and self-centered some people could be. yes, sure, we all have those moments so who am i to throw a stone at the sinner...i'm not. i'm just pointing out something that i do believe in and that's love...and how people SHOULD be able to grow in love with that special person. yes, it's normal to go through fights and stuff but it's in these things that we really learn things about ourselves, things that may not be so nice to hear, things that we may be ashamed of...it sucks to know that some people have pride too stuck up in their asses to just let go and try to listen even for a while you know?

okay, so we all have issues. these issues that we go through are things WE HAVE TO FACE. we are not supposed to sit there and just say "i don't know" and "i don't wanna do anything about it". well if you wanna do it that way, DON'T DAMN WHINE ABOUT IT. i mean, if you want something to actually CHANGE, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. and don't vent out on one person issues that concern someone else. it just isn't right. sure, vent out on me if it's me you wanna deal with. but if you've got issues with something a world apart from me, the hell, don't even try. we could talk about it, i could help you out, BUT DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE treat me like it's all my damn fault. that's pretty selfish and immature of you to do so. if you never got past that stage called puberty, i think it's about time you actually did.

i find it pretty pathetic that you're treating people like that. it's pretty spoiled of you to do so. the world doesn't revolve around you, so i wish you could take a while and look inwards. it really helps. ~~besides, you could stop annoying a bunch of other people too.~~

*hingang malalim*

now that feels better.

P U N Y E T A

2007-06-06T14:03:18Z

wala lang.
naiinis ako eh. mahirap pigilan. kelan ba ko nagpigil ng inis, diba?

screw being patient, tonight is the night na sumabog ako sa sobrang BWISET. i know good reasons when i hear one, but this is just way too lame for me to comprehend. it's just really frustrating.

tapos hindi nanaman niya ko replyan either cuz wala siyang masabe or dahil ayaw niyang manakit *i doubt* or whatever reason *baka nakatulog nanaman*...EWAN.

i hate this. i fucking hate this feeling. GRR!!!

now how the hell am i supposed to get two chapters of the market1 book into my head? good luck.

i so wanna punch someone right now. and all the other P's too. :(

s t r e s s

2007-06-03T13:16:49Z

dama mo?

yung ang dami mong iniisip tapos hindi mo matapos tapos yung ginagawa mo...hassle. :(

i just need time to THINK. and rest. and do what i have to do.

JESUS take the wheel.

isang buwan daw

2007-06-03T07:28:15Z

pwes isang buwan ang ibibigay ko sa kanya.

hindi ako galit.
hindi ako naiinis.
sinasabe ko lang.
naiintindihan ko naman e. di ko lang maexplain yung nararamdaman ko.

why can some people be so DIFFICULT?
~~at bakit ako naiiyak? diba sabe ko hindi ako galit? err..~~

bagong week nanaman bukas. i'm getting so busy that i guess i have to dive into the pile of work that i have to do just to forget this. yeah. like erik said, immediate solution. yeah.

borderline

2007-06-01T13:06:58Z

nababaliw sa sobrang pagkabusy.
do i even have time to THINK? apparently i don't.

lately everything's been a whirlwind of events that i don't even have time to blog about. right now i'm just stalling before i get back to posting something on our thesis ygroups.

i just want to apologize deeply for the people i've neglected for the past few days/months and though you may not probably read this i just...i just hope that you guys would know that i'm thinking of you a lot...on the train, on the bus...anywhere. i think about the people i care about and that's just what keeps me going, you know? it's hard to work and study at the same time, it's hard to work, to begin with...it's hard when you know this isn't so right but you deal with it anyway and you make the best out of it. i guess that's what really counts, it's the ability to be happy despite all your struggles, all the hardships and all the pain.

well anyway. for the past month things have been quite...hard...however i still find myself smiling for dozens of reasons and...i know things are bound to get a little harder cuz the term already started but once you're in here, you've got no choice but to get out there and just do it (parang nike, diba?).

thing is, i feel like i'm in the middle of a storm where's it's all so quiet and everything around you is a mess. it's weird but i'm really happy. in this moment that i just want to close my eyes and go to bed and sleep for ten hours but no...i choose to stay away and do stuff for a while...even just for a bit, you know?

and well, it's funny that some people haven't changed and they're pretty much...the same (duh). it's just amazing. i like it.

well anyway before i end this thing (which i don't think makes much sense...don't you think? go post me a comment, i miss hearing from you), i just wanna shout out to my friends who've always been there for me even if i'm just so crazy right now. hi guys, i miss you. :) to the lollipops, i hope we could get together some time. :D to my lovetart, you're a pretty strong woman and i love you~. nothing's changed, i'm still here. we're still here. :) yeah. to all the other special people in my life! kudos. :)

and to my angel. :) you've been awefully good to me and i just can't find the words to describe how thankful i am that i met you. you complete me in the way that no one else has, and i'm so glad that you've opened your heart to my love. because at the end of the day it all comes down to your smile and the way you'd hug me after a long, tiring day. i love you so much. :) and i hope we can make this last for as long as God has sent you to be my angel on earth.

to God. GRABE. grabe ka talaga. :)

so yeah. have a great weekend, guys. and God bless. :)